One Foot

Forgive me, Blog, for I have sinned. It has been some time since my last update. My excuses are legion but they all come back to the same fact: my annual Black Dog has had sharper teeth this year than in years past. My mental funk has let everything around me slide, but the Solstice is always the turning point and I am making a concerted effort to get a grip on myself.

Runs have been sporadic at best, slow and negative, and I have turned around and gone back on the last two Shamrock training team runs I turned out for; both times for mental and physical distress. I have enjoyed going to the spinning classes I have done recently, but those are hard to work into the schedule based on the Y’s schedule and my own.

But the worst, the absolute worst is what I have done to my diet. I have broken the single most important rule that a Gastric Bypass Patient lives by. Too damn much food. At every sitting, I have been overeating, and then the worst part was 2 hours after a meal, I would come back and eat another meal. That is the ultimate Cardinal Sin against a pouch.

It wasn’t poor quality food, at least. I am too keyed into the Food Freedom and unprocessed movement to dive too deeply into Cheetos or soda or potato chips, or pick your poison. But it was the quantity that has been deadly.

I felt like I needed a shock to the system; a whole body and mind reboot, and so on the 1st day of the New Year, I committed to a 3 day liquid fast. Rather than one of the “cleansing” diets out there, which I have some skepticism about, I opted to treat these days like those first 6 weeks post-gastric bypass — 3 to 4 protein shakes per day, as much water, tea, and broth as I can drink, and no more than 2 cups of coffee per day.

Yesterday was tricky. Between the laws of thermogenics (calories in = heat produced), all the cold water, and a couple of hours outside, I took on a dreadful chill that was hard to shake. The late hours the night before combined with the lower calorie intake left me feeling exhausted by the late afternoon, and while I had enough coffee to ward off the dreaded caffeine headache, it wasn’t enough to feel 100%.

That said, today has been better. I have already taken in my minimum 64 ounces of water, I had my two cups of joe, I have had two protein shakes so far, and for the moment, I am feeling much better today than yesterday. I feel like this is actually working to achieve my desired “shock to the system.”

The only genuine downside is that I have become a damn fine cook and I made a delicious New Year’s Day meal of a baked ham, broccoli (for the Kidlet; it’s her favorite veggie), and a delicious sauté of spinach, mushrooms, and roasted peppers and onions bought from our CSA and preserved for the winter. The whole family is trying to eat better, and we all work very well together on a low-carb regimen, so I kicked that campaign off yesterday. None for me, thank you. It will be worth missing out on it if this pays off, though. I can always make it again.

When I do go back to a “regular” diet on Friday, I think it will be with renewed focus on how much and how often I am eating. I don’t have to change how I cook or what I buy for the family, I just have to make sure I eat less of it and accept the discomfort of those “hungry hours” that always happen to me — 11am, 3pm, 9 pm — the times my resolve is weakest. If I can survive 3 days of an uncomfortable fast, then an hour or two ought to be nothing.

I am hoping to get a grip on my brain in relation to running, next. I am not sure how, but I know I have to stop the negative thoughts that overwhelm me every time I watch the half marathon training team pull out of sight from me. I have to get back in the mindset of running my own race, suck it up when it gets hard, and be grateful even if I am the last one back to the stadium because I could be 275 pounds and unable to climb a flight of stairs without major discomfort — exactly where I was 3 years ago.

This weekend’s HMTT route is the 9 Miles From Hell I did last year in the rain and sleet mix. It is Riverside Drive, and it was one of the most beautiful and exciting (and eventually scary, since I got lost and my printed route dissolved in my hand) runs I have ever made. I am looking forward to coming back to the group with a rebooted brain and body, and a brand spanking new fuel belt from Santa. I also got a subscription to RunnersWorld Magazine, which I am really looking forward too.

I have only two race goals set in stone for this year and it’s the same two half marathons I ran last year. I haven’t seen anything on the local calendar I am dying to run yet, and I decided to pull Warrior Dash off my list of races because this year was unfun for me and disastrous for many. I don’t forsee the organizers being able to get a grip on those inherent issues, so I think I am going to skip it. I will do Henricus again if there is no major scheduling conflicts, but other than that, I have no major plans yet.

I am too disorganized and discombobulated to form a plan more detailed than that at this stage, but as light returns and I get myself back under the kind of control I prefer, then I think that will change.


One response to this post.

  1. Good luck getting out of your running rut.


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